Ebbs and Flows: The Rise and Fall of Sexual Frequency in Relationships

Sexual interactions in relationships are like the ocean. They are majestic, remarkable, and things of joyous beauty that inspire poets and philosophers. Both make you yearn to revisit those wet and wild good times. And the memories of those occasions are among some of the most beloved recollections.

Good Times, Bad Times, and Everything In Between
The media and barroom braggadocio would have us considering that everyone else is enjoying extraordinary knock-the-plaster-off-of-the walls sex every night and three times on Saturday. Yet, the average frequency of sexual intercourse for women and men aged 25-35 in four weeks proved to be… four times, according to a survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles. And 1.7 times is the average rate of sexual engagement for couples who are married at various ages and stages of the lifespan spectrum.

You may also be comparing the situation you find yourself in today to the fierce passion that was the starting-pistol frenzy of your courtship when it was as if you were inventing the act. There was always time and energy for getting together. The novel attraction was terrific, and so was believing in your good fortune in finding one another. This vital time rests upon a neurochemical phenomenon that is genuinely authentic but with a level of intensity that is unsustainable over the long haul of love and life.

Things Can Get Rocky

In the real world, after emerging from the halcyon and sexual honeymoon period, which usually lasts about six months, you have fortunately created an emotional foundation together. Now the demands of the natural world, that interesting construct, arrive. To keep the sexual energy up, so to speak, and to maintain or increase sexual energy, it may be necessary to create a window of time and space to enjoy one another physically without getting into a routine that feels like a rut.

Keep from washing up on the shoals of physical affection. Knowledge is power, and this power can help you get back into the swim of things.

Things Change
Your sex life is a vitally important dimension of your relationship, and you will no doubt notice that it ebbs and flows. There will be times when it slows or even stops due to work demands, health issues, childbirth, or other events. Then there are periods such as on vacation, viewing some brilliant erotica, or experimenting with sex tips for men or a new sensual aid when your sex life is stronger than ever.

It can be challenging when one partner has different sexual needs than the other partner. Not blaming or shaming is vital. It is important to remember that there are times in life when one person goes through a demanding period with work, family, or other responsibilities. Perhaps one partner has a higher sex drive. During the early days of the relationship, differences didn’t show as clearly as in the stiller yet deeper waters of the maturing relationship. Listen without judgment as you both talk about your different needs, perhaps at a less emotionally charged time than between the sheets.

Go with the Flow

You can do things to ramp up the excitement, such as consciously sharing and watching erotica, engaging with sexual aids, and taking time to pleasure one another inside and outside the bedroom. From compromising upon the types and frequency of sexual acts, enjoying masturbation, or even opening up to consensual polyamory, there are means of meeting and fulfilling both partners’ needs. Studies show that sex act quality is more important than quantity.

As you work on fostering all the parts of your relationship, keeping things wet, wild, and wonderful through attention, care, romance, and nurturing will help you weather those ebbs and generate sex-enhancing flow.